Luke: What you didn’t know

You were too young to understand

The world into which you were thrust

You were used to holding Mummy’s hand

And having her full attention

.

The arrival of a second child

Was not something you knew

And the process

Was not something for which we could have prepared you

.

You didn’t understand the constant tears

The medical appointments

The bleeding at 18 weeks and the regular fears

And that was just the pregnancy!

.

You saw your Mummy doubled over in pain

And you helped rub her back

At 36 weeks as labour began

.

You didn’t know you were saying goodbye for many days;

That this little brother would take away your Mummy

You didn’t know why hospital became a second home

That Mummy seemed to always reside at

.

We couldn’t explain medical terms to you

Things like special needs and disabilities

You didn’t know what heart surgery meant

Or that we used to count your brother’s every breath

.

But what you NEED to know

Is that despite all these things

You were never far from Mummy’s heart

And her thoughts were always for you

.

Her heart was with you

As you went to bed at night

Tucked in by your loving Gran

Her thoughts were with you

As she drove to hospital

And unpacked yet again

.

She cried for you

Many nights

Wondering if you were okay

And what she could do to help you

.

The world into which you were thrust

Was not a fair one

Nor was it just

.

Mummy had no idea having a second child

Would come with so much unexpected pain

.

But what you need to know

Is that your Mummy loves both her boys dearly

And will always protect you and love you

Some things Mummy can’t control

Even though she will do her best

To tuck you close and wipe away your pain

.

But one thing Mummy can control

Is that for each of her boys,

She will always, desperately love you

And hold you in her heart

And never let you go.

.

Your Mummy loves you

And is sorry your life began with so much struggle

She would change it if she could

And take “special needs” away from our vocabulary

.

But Mummy just has to trust

That God has a plan

Even though she can’t see it

And believe that we are just the family

For your little brother too,

Just as we are the right family,

Chosen for you.