Category: Abortion

“I survived.”

by Karen Loo, posted in Abortion, Complex medical needs, Downs Syndrome, Faith, Tough times

I had lofty dreams when I was younger. I wanted God to use me; to be an example to others and to show what God could do through your life when you leapt off the boundaries of your own limitations and ideas and followed him instead.

I had a lot to learn.

These days I observe friends who lament their lack of community. Their desire to join Bible studies. Those around me who demonstrate a strong faith.

I find myself wondering. “How deeply have you been tested?”

Friendship, social connection, loving others, sharing my faith; these were all important values to me.

Until life as I knew it – and expected it – exploded in my face and I felt like I found myself in a battle for life or death.

My war wasn’t on the fields of a battleground. It was inside my own heart and confined to the sterile walls of a hospital and our own home.

When you face one of your own personal nightmares – a pregnancy carrying a child you’re warned may not live, has multiple confirmed disabilities and health issues (and other possible additional ones) and the pressure to end that child’s life, you’re in a fight.

You’re in a fight for what you believe. What value you place on the life inside you, and the deep dreams and desires you had for your own life that are now forced to change? Will you stand firm with your values, or will you fold in the face of a battle and pressure too great to withstand?

Those internal battles stay with me still. We made our choice and I believe it was the right one. We have paid a high price for our choice.

We have also been blessed by our choice.

As time goes on, more layers are added to our life and we finally start to get some medical breakthroughs. Having a stomach tube now to feed our son all liquids absolutely saves us. It lifts the daily pressure around drinking and sickness enormously. (Children with disabilities who get a common cold can find tasks like drinking really challenging – they can’t coordinate their suck and swallow reflex when they are very snotty and clogged up. Drinking becomes hazardous as they try not to choke so they avoid it, leading to disastrous outcomes. Put that in the context of a global pandemic and you have a situation of epic internal dilemnas.)

Medication to help calm our son’s behaviour makes life more liveable and eases the strain in our day to day living.

Suddenly his giggles and snuggles become more apparent. His brain development starts to skyrocket in ways we had hoped for but hadn’t really seen until now. Our spirits and our hopes start to rise again. We have hope again.

We still live in a world of what I see as immense disability. We still juggle our son’s lack of hearing or ability to speak; his developmental delays; his regular nappy changes and spoon feeding him purée still for his meals. The list continues.

But I am so grateful life is easing.

I am not the bold, strong Christian I always envisioned and wanted to be. So many times on this battlefield for survival – the bleeding in pregnancy, the premature birth, the heart surgery, the apnoeas, the risk of aspiration from so many vomiting episodes, the brain damage – I have wanted to raise a white flag of surrender. I have cried out for relief and begged for change and found none. I have put one foot in front of the other in constant anguish and struggles of heart as I have sought – and fought – to keep our family together and tried to balance everyone’s needs on so many days when even a common shower was out of my reach.

It has been an uphill battle, the likes of which I can’t begin to describe.

Now as time goes on, I have a chance to reflect. I am not standing on roof tops proclaiming the joys of my faith.

I am instead possibly emerging from the trenches, dirt smeared and eyes ringed with exhaustion, proclaiming;

“I survived.”

I can only speak for myself, but I guess sometimes, for some of us, faith is not a cute exterior that looks beautiful and appealing.

Sometimes faith is a raw, nitty gritty truth that you wrestle with in those times of darkness and very limited hope. When death seems too close and you don’t know if you will be given the choice of keeping your son, or if life and medical issues will steal his life from you prematurely. You are forced to adapt and live within the shadow of that understanding.

When statements come at you from all corners like, “He might not live.” “If there’s lots of handicaps you would be better to terminate.” “If there’s brain damage you would be better to let him die.” “If you do not medicate, he will die a slow and painful death. But if you medicate, we can’t tell you what his outcomes will be.” “Have you considered a ‘do not resuscitate?’”

It alters you. It marks you. Ultimately, it changes you.

I read in Psalm 71:20-21 this morning:

“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honour and comfort me once more.”

I don’t hold myself to the same pedestal of “being an amazing, praise filled Christian” I used to. (I’ll point out my dreams and desires and understanding could have been wrong in the first place). I don’t know if I’ll ever be someone speaking to large groups of people about God and his journey with us.

Now, all I can say as we head into yet another surgery this week, is it feels like the level of the daily struggle is easing. I can start to walk out of the depths, holding my flag, and proclaiming;

“I survived. My family – survived.”

Survival has become the biggest and deepest statement of faith I can make.

For us, that’s a big deal. It’s not something I take lightly.

‘They almost broke me’: Parents fighting to give birth to children with Down syndrome

Featured by Karen Loo, posted in Abortion, Downs Syndrome

Jehan Casinader, like myself, was recently reading about countries such as Iceland having almost “eradicated” Downs Syndrome. Thanks to pre-natal testing, the birth rate of children with Downs Syndrome has plummeted globally.

Jehan sought to find out if New Zealanders too were feeling the pressure to abort. I was one of twelve families he spoke to and sadly, I could confirm the pressure does exist. Please read the article or watch the video if you are interested in learning more about these issues and the pressures experienced by those with special needs.

https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/health/125739984/they-almost-broke-me-parents-fighting-to-give-birth-to-children-with-down-syndrome

The Day I Heard You

by Karen Loo, posted in Abortion, Downs Syndrome, Poems, Pregnancy

It’s confirmed

Downs Syndrome

Only 14 weeks pregnant

And my whole future just changed


Sitting in shock

And disbelief

Staring at a world that looks the same

But the colour palette suddenly changed


How am I to do this?

I’m not the right mother for Downs Syndrome

Couldn’t I just have a “normal” child?

The one I thought I was to be pregnant with?


No answers

No clue

No idea of how I am to do this


Then all at once – you moved

With a rhythmic tapping

From deep inside

You made your presence known


Like tiny little hiccups

Resounding like a heart beat

That even my husband could feel

With his hand pressed against my side


And suddenly, I heard you

From deep within my soul

I knew what you were trying to say


“Mum – I am here.

Downs Syndrome, they say.

Dodgy heart, they say.

But Mum – I’ve got this.


I’m a fighter, Mum.

I can do this.

Let me have my chance.

I want to LIVE.”


Immediately my heart grew firm

And resolve grew, along with you

I would give you your chance

To fight for the life

They said you may not have

To overcome the obstacles that would be in your way

If this is what you want

Then I will fight alongside you

I will do all I can

To look after you and protect you


I will stand against those who think I should abort you

Because child,

This is YOUR life

And your heart is already beating


And so I will journey with you

No matter what lies ahead

Though I pray you are miraculously healed

Of your Downs Syndrome and “dodgy heart”

I will walk the path with you

One day at a time

For your heart

Beats with mine


This poem speaks to our pre-natal NIPT DNA diagnosis of Downs Syndrome at 14 weeks. I sat on our swing chair and just internally froze, wondering how to accept, brace and recalibrate to this curveball that paired with a totally different life than I expected. The photo was taken of Cayden (which means fighter) later in the pregnancy. We named him fighter partly because of this moment – feeling him move and knowing he wanted to fight and beat the odds against him.

You were made to be

by Karen Loo, posted in Abortion, Complex medical needs, Downs Syndrome, Poems, Pregnancy

“Your baby should not be,”

He said to me.

“Any abnormality

I do not want to see.”


I disagreed.

While I didn’t know the outcome for my son

Or what struggles he may face

One thing I knew

Was this little boy –

Had infinite value


My own capacity?

My own strength and ability?

Absolutely a question mark

And not something I could pre-weigh


But this little child?

I would do what it would take

No matter how infinitely hard it was to grasp

How to raise a child with a potential disability


But one thing I knew

Is that to me –

Little boy,

You have infinite value.

And you were DEFINITELY

Made to be.
.


.
This poem was written regarding the pressure from an obstetrician to abort if any chromosomal abnormalities were found in a pre-natal diagnostic test. He believed it was black and white – if there were any abnormalities in your baby, you abort. My husband and I did not agree with his view.

Who for the JOY set before Him…

by Karen Loo, posted in Abortion, Pregnancy

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I had great expectations for pregnancy. Who doesn’t, right? Sure, I knew there would likely be morning sickness and nausea. Some aches and pains. A challenging labour process.

But no way could I ever have been prepared for just HOW HARD pregnancy would be. How many times I would be in tears, just wishing it could all be over. That feeling began at 5 ½ weeks. (There was a long way to go!)

I didn’t realise that pregnancy would take me to a number of hospitals in our city, seeking out different specialists for a variety of unusual pregnancy complications – potentially placenta previa; extensive, unrelenting stomach and bowel pain; a pregnancy cyst that just kept growing that required major abdominal surgery; hyperemesis gravardium.

I started learning technical terms for things I’d never heard of. And I wondered where in heck God was in the midst of all of this.

As I sank to the floor one day by the toilet bowl and cried, feeling like my guts had been twisted inside out and pulled back up through my throat, I felt His whisper.

“Come. Come and see.”

God WAS still with me. I felt Him direct me into our bedroom, where I could sit on our bed and look at the empty space that one day soon will become our baby’s bed. In my mind I could picture this child lying there. Picking him up and cradling him. Singing to him. Watching him sleep.

And I heard another whisper, one I had come to recognise throughout this pregnancy.

“Who for the JOY set before Him…”

I recognised the partial Bible verse. “And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

I felt God was telling me – trying to show me even – that while this season might be about enduring pain and struggle, it would be followed by a season of joy. If only I could hang in there, it would get better. When I held our child in my arms, it would be worth it.

It was a promise but it was still hard to accept. People talk about that moment when you first hold your child and how all the pain of giving birth etc melts into forgotten oblivion. But how can you rely on that promise when you haven’t ever experienced that situation?

The answer, though hard, was mind-blowingly simple. You had to have faith.

I’ll be really honest. Not long ago I posted about abortion and the effects of it not only on the child, but the mother also. I am adamantly opposed to abortion.

However, I have to confess, when this journey of continual pregnancy struggles eked out hour by hour and I was wracked with pain from more than one source, the thought did cross my mind. The temptation to end it all and be done with all this pain and nausea lurked in the background.

But I also know there is a spiritual battle taking place. I know God has plans for this child. As He does for every child conceived. I could never take my baby’s life. I know that for every plan God has for good, Satan will do all he can to oppose it. The temptation to end my baby’s life (with the associated lie that it would end all my physical suffering in pregnancy – leaving out the potential for emotional suffering) did not come from God. It came from the devil.

I was horrified such a thought would even cross my mind. I was comforted to discover that a number of women who suffer from hyperemesis gravardium consider abortion. They become so desperate to end the effects and live a normal life again. I also understood though that if I made that choice I would always wonder about my child and regret not having the courage and stamina to just make it that little bit longer.

What I had to realise afresh was that “for the JOY set before Him – He endured the cross”. That the joy is worth the pain. If I could just make it through this season, I would hold a beautiful baby in my arms. I would have to trust in this process and in God that it would all work out for the best.

Now as I recover from surgery and the nausea slowly abates, and the nine medications through this pregnancy slowly diminish to just two, I’m also discovering the joy.

Where?

In LIFE. As I feel this baby kick. As I feel him move and wriggle and poke my stomach. Those moments are infinitely precious time captures that point me to a future of JOY.

It’s brought to mind the phrase that the things you value most are often the hardest to get.

A friend told me about a widower she heard speak. His story is… beyond words. In years prior, his wife was pregnant. However, due to some medical condition she was told she had a choice. Abort the baby, or die in the process of giving birth.

Can you imagine such a horrendous choice?

This couple had courage I can not begin to imagine. They made the decision, like Jesus, to lay down her life for the sake of another – their child’s.

They went through with the pregnancy.

And she did die. The child, however, lived. The husband now raises his child alone.

I feel there almost needs to be a reverent hush after hearing a story like that.

I am deeply blessed with the certainty that this is just a season. Our baby is growing beautifully and seems perfectly healthy. Eventually my husband and I will hold this baby and the process will feel fully worthwhile.

I need to note that I am incredibly thankful we have not struggled with infertility. I understand this post could feel incredibly insensitive to those that have. I know you would probably do all this and more just for that precious gift. Please know that even while this has been a tough journey, I am so thankful for the gift of this child. I can’t wait to meet him and see who God has given us! I am so very sorry if your journey has not yet brought you to this outcome.

God is gracious to each of us even in circumstances that can involve pain and sacrifice. Like Jesus, like the woman who laid down her life for her child; some sacrifices cost everything we have to give.

Again, I am so blessed that my journey hasn’t been that extreme. But as my husband and I head soon into my third trimester, I am so thankful for a God who sees the struggle and doesn’t diminish it. Who walks with me through the valley. Yet who continually tells me to lift my gaze – to Him, the ultimate Giver of joy and LIFE.

“And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

 Are you at a stage in your journey that feels tough? How has God encouraged you? Do you feel His presence walking with you, reminding you there are better days ahead? Know that His plans for you are good! He will use all your circumstances for good and restore JOY to you. That’s His promise to you!

 

 

 

A child no more

by Karen Loo, posted in Abortion, God's forgiveness

“Will you go with me?” my friend asked quietly.

This was no simple invitation. She wasn’t asking me to go shopping or to some event.
No, she was asking me to go with her to an abortion clinic.

I regarded her with gentle sympathy, even while my heart was torn. I understood her circumstances and what drove her to desire an abortion. But I knew sugar coating my response wasn’t going to help her either. The best I had to offer her was the truth.

“When I was in university I did a lot of research on abortion for a psychology paper I was taking,” I began slowly. “I found out some huge stuff. This isn’t just “tissue” you’re carrying – it is an actual child. The DNA is formed at conception that will determine who this child will grow up to be – what it will look like, what its personality will be like.

What’s more, if you do choose abortion, studies show a huge impact on the mother for the rest of her life. Many women experience depression and suicidal thoughts after an abortion. There is also research out there that links abortion to breast cancer, because when you abort a child your body (and breast cells) are in a state of transition as the pregnancy develops. Aborting that process, leaves those cells in a state of transition and vulnerable to growing cancerous. I would hate to see any of that happen to you.”

I could see my friend was unsure.

“I would love to support you in this. But I can’t go with you to the abortion clinic. It’s killing your child, and I’m so sorry, I can’t be a part of that. I would hate to see you suffer the effects of abortion that so many women do. I would hate to see you scarred by that. It’s not just your baby I’m concerned about; I’m genuinely concerned about you. I don’t want to see you years from now wondering what this baby would have been like. Regretting the choice you made. Is there any other way I can help? Would you consider adoption, or even keeping the child? I know this is your choice. And I want you to know that I will still love you whatever you choose, but I can not be a part of killing your child.”

We continued our discussion, but there was no easy resolution. I left the choice in my friend’s hands and prayed repeatedly for the massive choice she was facing.

My friend chose the abortion. I was so saddened to see the effects it had on her. This incredibly beautiful, highly achieving woman, was faced with depression and suicidal thoughts, similar to what I had read about. She had strength like I had rarely seen in anyone to face some of the worst situations life could throw at you, yet it seemed this choice impacted her in ways other situations had not.

According to http://www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/the-after-effects-of-abortion, research shows that:

Women who have undergone post-abortion counseling report over 100 major reactions to abortion. Among the most frequently reported are: depression, loss of self-esteem, self-destructive behavior, sleep disorders, memory loss, sexual dysfunction, chronic problems with relationships, dramatic personality changes, anxiety attacks, guilt and remorse, difficulty grieving, increased tendency toward violence, chronic crying, difficulty concentrating, flashbacks, loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities and people, and difficulty bonding with later children. [4] [30]

Among the most worrisome of these reactions is the increase of self-destructive behavior among aborted women. In a survey of over 100 women who had suffered from post-abortion trauma, fully 80 percent expressed feelings of “self-hatred.” In the same study, 49 percent reported drug abuse and 39 percent began to use or increased their use of alcohol. Approximately 14 percent described themselves as having become “addicted” or “alcoholic” after their abortions. In addition, 60 percent reported suicidal ideation, with 28 percent actually attempting suicide, of which half attempted suicide two or more times. [30]

More information can be found here – http://afterabortion.org/2011/abortion-risks-a-list-of-major-psychological-complications-related-to-abortion/

No decision is worth that amount of consequence and pain.

Some people think abortion is okay in God’s sight. I don’t see how it can be. In the book of Jeremiah, God talks about how people were sacrificing their babies in blazing fire to the idol Molech. “They have built pagan shrines to Baal in the valley of Ben-Hinnom, and there they sacrifice their sons and daughters to Molech. I have never commanded such a horrible deed; it never even crossed my mind to command such a thing. What an incredible evil, causing Judah to sin so greatly!” Jeremiah 32:35

Even if people don’t always understand the value of children, God most certainly does. God knows the plans for each and every child conceived. Psalm 139:16 says “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”

Indeed God illustrates this point dramatically in Jeremiah 1:5; “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”

God planned Jeremiah and the purpose of his life – while he was still in the womb. In the light of these verses, can we honestly claim that a child growing inside a womb is just “tissue”? What plans did God have for the children that are aborted globally every year?

Here is a short article on one abortion survivor. http://mychristiandaily.com.au/dr/abortion-survivor-spreads-pro-life-message She is not the only survivor of abortion who has gone on to speak of the devastating consequences of a failed abortion.

I understand there are horrific circumstances such as rape that can lead to an unwanted pregnancy. Or abusive husbands or partners that absolutely refuse to allow the birth of a child. As horrendous as those situations are, my personal concern is trying to resolve one “problem” with abortion, is merely presenting a woman with more issues than anyone could reasonably cope with. (Please note – if you are in an abusive relationship, please contact the Police or a woman’s refuge shelter.)

Two articles I’ve read have had a big impact on me. The article at http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430152/abortion-roe-v-wade-unborn-children-women-feminism-march-life talks about witnessing an abortion. What staggered the person watching, however, was seeing the child’s struggle for life. This abortion involved an injection of fluid to kill the child and then expel the “tissue”. As the needle went in and started to depress the chemical, the child (from within the womb) took hold of the needle and it started moving around as the child tried to escape from it and get rid of it. Of course, it wasn’t able to.

I can’t imagine anything more heart-breaking.

Another one, that now has surrounding controversy, is the story of Samuel Armas.

“On Aug. 19, 1999, photographer Michael Clancy shot the “Fetal Hand Grasp” — his picture of a 21-week-old fetus grasping a doctor’s finger during innovative surgery to correct spina bifida. Nearly four months later, on Dec. 2, Samuel Armas was “born famous.”

…”I could see the uterus shake violently and then this little fist came out of the surgical opening,” Clancy recalls. “It came out under its own power. When Dr. Bruner lifted the little hand, I fired my camera and the tighter Samuel squeezed, the harder Dr. Bruner shook his hand.”

Clancy, who was a freelancer for USA Today when he photographed Samuel’s fully-formed hand, now works as a motivational speaker at pro-life events. Prior to the picture, Clancy said, he was pro-choice.”

Dr. Bruner, however, now denies that Samuel reached out while in utero. You can read more of the story here: http://www.foxnews.com/story/2009/05/06/ten-years-later-boy-hand-hope-continues-to-spark-debate.html

If you’ve already had an abortion

Please, know that there is grace for anything you have ever done. The Bible says in Romans 3:23 that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. In simple terms, sin means to do something wrong. None of us (myself included) has lived a perfect life. I haven’t ever had an abortion, but that doesn’t excuse me from other kinds of wrong-doing. None of us can ever match God’s perfection. He knows we can’t, and He doesn’t expect that of us.

So God did something amazing, and incredibly costly to Himself. He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to earth to die on our behalf. Only God’s Son, who IS and can only ever be perfect, could make up for our lack. As He died a gruesome death on a Roman cross, Jesus carried all of the things any person has, or ever will do, wrong. In that way He wiped away everything we have done. It was like a divine swap. Jesus carried our sins, and we get to carry His perfection. Because of this exchange, you (and I) have been forgiven for everything we’ve done. We only have to acknowledge we haven’t lived a perfect life and ask to receive God’s forgiveness. It’s as simple as that. 1 John 1:9 declares that “if we confess our sins (wrong-doing) to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”

Not only that, but God promises that “I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist.” Isaiah 44:22. When we ask for His forgiveness, God sweeps away whatever we have done and remembers it no more. Hebrews 8:12 says that “I will be merciful toward their iniquities (things they’ve done wrong), and I will remember their sins no more.”

Abortion is another form of doing something wrong, but it carries a hefty price. Abortion marks you. But God’s plan is not for you to live in shame. If you will cry out to Him, He promises to bring healing to your heart and to lift off the weight of your experience. He will carry your sins for you and help you through this.

Not every woman that undergoes abortion is reported to feel remorse or have complications. Children in the womb do not have the chance to speak for themselves. But for women carrying a child, it’s a different story. You have a choice. I have presented you with some information here regarding abortion. Please. Do your own research. Find out the risks involved. Find out the beauty of the child you are carrying.

Before you make the choice for an abortion, think on it carefully. Think on all these components. Decide whether you will ever regret, or ever wonder about the child you will now never meet on this earth. Are you willing to potentially undergo infertility, should you want children in future? It’s not a guarantee that you will. But what about depression or suicidal thoughts? What about future miscarriages?

Are you willing to take the gamble?