A Fresh New Tomorrow

You told me it would be OK

I trusted you

But I didn’t see

The path you had ahead for me
.

Had I seen even a glimpse 

Of the heartache ahead

I would have turned and run

And not stayed instead
.

I had no idea

Of the perils ahead

The anguish, the isolation 

The misunderstanding 
.

I didn’t know

I would fight

Almost to the end 

For my son’s life
.

I didn’t know I would cry out to you

Too many times

On the motorway 

Driving to hospital
.

It will be OK, you said. 

I’ve got you. 

Many times I threw questions at you

And hatred and blank stares
.

I shut down my heart to you

Because it was too hard

And I felt abandoned by you
.

I thought being held

Meant sunshine and daisies 

Not nightmares and a whole lot of crazies
.

I still don’t know

How to relax in the rainbow

How to relax in the promise
.

That though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

Your rod and your staff comfort me

I will fear no evil

For you are with me.
.
 

I’m starting to learn

That it will be OK

Doesn’t mean a life of ease

And simple answers
.

But rather a grit

A determination 

That despite the odds 

Giving up is not an option
.

So God I ask you

To remove the pain, the memories

Of moments I’d rather forget

Of heartbreak and anguish 
.

When I questioned your light

Your kindness

Your goodwill

And even your existence
.

I ask you God 

To bring good out of what was meant for evil

To bring healing from where wounds have struck

To bring hope instead of mourning 
.

I pray for a new day

Where light shines forth

And good conquers all

Where those who sow in tears

Will reap with songs of joy
.

Because only those who have walked such pain know

How deep the depths of sorrows go

And how very much they need

A fresh new tomorrow.
.

This poem speaks to the season of Cayden’s brain damage. It was the most challenging season I have ever walked. We didn’t know if our son would ever engage with us again, yet we had to faithfully continue to look after him, feed him, give him medicines, be up 12 times a night with him – not knowing if it would ever change and if we could sustain that kind of life long term. It raised a lot of faith questions for me.
After coming through that season, I became desperate to emotionally separate from it. To be able to let those moments go and find a fresh, new tomorrow – one that is not weighted down by the agonising memories of yesterday.