It’s Not You I See

It’s not you I see

This face staring back at me

It’s not a face I know

Reflected in the hospital window

.

Times have changed and seasons have passed

The hospital corridors have left their mark

Gone are the frivolous smiles and laughs

Inside instead there is a damaged heart

.

I thought I knew

Brokenness and pain

That was before I had a son again

Who would spend too many nights

In these drab walls

As I watched my laughter fade and my fears mount

.

That’s what it does to you

Isolated within a hospital worldview

Gone are the bigger scenes

The family holidays, the big picture things

.

Everything drills down to one simple thing

What do the monitors read and what do the doctors think?

.

It’s hard to feel like a person

In your shrunken room

Knowing that doctors and others

Will be arriving soon

.

It takes time to recover

For not just your son

For your heart too

Has seen and been through a ton

.

Your hair now shows greys

And you are quick to fright

Your adrenal glands

Have had to constantly fight

.

You’ve been on stress mode

For far too long

Riding the waves

Of the many unknowns

.

You wish you could recover

The person you once were

Is she gone forever?

You hope she will return

.

I would give anything to smile

Without shadows filtering through

Colouring the light

With which I see through

.

It has been a hard road

That’s not something I can deny

But I hope that one day soon

Will reveal a new light

.

I look forward to the day

Joy and surprise find their way

Back into my life

Gone with the lifeless, drab greys

And putting full colour back on display

.

Too much has happened 

In this season just past

To wash away quickly

Though I’d like it to pass

.

I suppose it’s no surprise then to know

That there are those who look at my wedding photos

And have no idea

That the face that they see

Once upon a time

Really was me.